irrational me

i don't know why you are doing this to me

but you know what i think?

i think you're afraid

you're afraid of getting close, opening up your heart, and let someone care

so you push people away, 

with you realising it or not

i know you're not trying to be rude

you're not that kind of person, that's what makes me fall for you in the first place

but news flash,honey

i'm not gonna stop caring

i'm not gonna stop trying

i'm not gonna stop loving

because that's who i am now

even saying i miss you is such an understatement 

what i feel for you...i can't even explain what it is

it reached every inch of my body deep into my heart and filled my soul

you are my universe

if there's something wrong with that, sorry

if there's something wrong with that, i don't want to be right anymore

-A

blessed

these past few days, i've been happy
for a long time i'm actually...happy
i am so blessed, by a lot of things especially experiences,
friends
family
love
and i thank god everyday

but what confused me is....
it doesn't feel right
don't get me wrong
it feels good and i'm thankful but it doesn't feel right

maybe
i'm afraid that
eventually, someone or something
is going to take that away from me
how silly

so now what i'm trying to do is
embrace it, every single second

thanks god, for every happiness you've given me
and i pray, for the one i love
to feel your warm everyday

love,
A

Bunda

satu nama yang selalu terbayang disetiap langkah
pendukung setia tanpa menuntut apa apa
pendengar yang tidak pernah mengeluh
walau tubuh dan batin piluh

bahagianya adalah bahagiaku
semua yang kulakukan hanya untuknya
kasih sayangnya adalah makanan bagi jiwaku
kenyamanan sejati adalah bersamanya
siapa sangka kita memiliki hobi yang sama

tuhan, jauhkanlah dirinya dari segala kesedihan
ampunilah semua dosanya

bunda,
my one true love,
aku beruntung punya bunda
ibu, inspirasi, separuh jiwa, sahabat, jadi satu semuanya
terimakasih atas segalanya
maafkan aku yang tak sempurna
cintaku padamu takakan ada habisnya
aku tidak sering mengatakannya 
tapi aku ingin kau tahu, aku sayang bunda

peluk sayang,
Anakmu yang cuma 2 stasiun jauhnya ttp rindu tak terhingga

helpless,useless

one day i was at the harbor,
when i get off the boat, i needed to go to the bathroom
so i did
as i walk, suddenly i saw a dog
he was hurt, like really hurt. i wanted to cry
i want to help , i really do
but i can't do anything, i feel very helpless.

this is how i feel when i look at you
i can see those eyes, that used to light the world
isn't shining as bright anymore
that smile that's contagious,
isn't as big and sincere anymore
i can see that a lot is bothering you
a lot is in your mind
and i want to help
i want to tell you that i'm still here
i'm here, and i want to get that weight off your shoulder
but now, useless and helpless is what i feel
because, even i wanted to,
i don't know how
why? why can't i do anything? 

i want to tell you,dearest
that everything is going to be okay
light the world
you are an aurora
even when the whole world cannot see it

you are that one star that shine


love,
A

Learning to drive a car

I've been trying to find the right words to describe relationships

And i think now i can say that relationship 

Falling in love

Is a lot like learning how to drive a car.....

When you want to drive...first you have to start the engine

Here is like getting to know the person 

You familiarize yourself to him/her

And then you hit the gas

You're starting to show him/her that you're interested in that person

You give her/him more attention

Constant want to talk to that person

Making topics..even dumb ones...just so you can keep talking

Here's the twist

Sometimes we forgot to hit the break

Not knowing when to stop

Because let's face it we're still learning at this point

So here's what people around you are for

Guide you and tell you to stop, because they can see better

Unbiased

But what do we do? We don't listen

We keep going like gazillion miles an hour not knowing there's a cliff ahead of us

and BOOM! we fall into that cliff hard...

Not knowing how to get back up

Like that's not hard enough already, the people around you will say "i told you so"

Knowing when to hit the gas and break is not enough for you to be able to drive

There's also signs, traffics, rules, you name it

You gotta learn how to park and know where to park, you can't just park anywhere you want

So look for that sign, follow the rules

If there's a stop sign, stop

If there's a red light , stop

If there's a green light, you're good to go

Sometimes tho, we missed that sign

So what do you do? Be very careful

Be patient

Because

Eventually you'll get the hang of it

And you're at your final destination.

When you're there.....look for a place to park

There won't always will be

So be even more patient

And you will be

Where you're supposed to be

Allegra

&the help of anindita

You and I - john legend

it's 2AM, i just saw this. 

and i am completely stunned by the song

and the video itself

beauty well presented

  

lost

i have nowhere to go
and i don't have anyone to show me where to go
i feel like i give everyone 10000% and i get nothing back
i am tired
i am lost
i am alone
and i feel i unwated
i don't belong anywhere
i don't know how to go on
i am lost and i need help
god please give me guidence

hey you

hey there
if only you knew
that you're still the one who i dream of every night
i miss you every.single.second of everyday
and not one minute that i don't think of you 
it kills me to see you and i can't say how i'm feeling
i want to let you know that i will always be there for you
i will always want you
i will not love you only in percentage
you get all of me,

love
A

Dear my future kids

Dear my future kids,

I want to let you know that i'm gonna love you with all my heart, 

i'm going to protect you anyway that i can, the best that i can

you are the center of my universe, my true love, my happiness

my eveything

but honey, i want to tell you something

my dearest, life gonna hand you all kinds of stuff

there's gonna be a lot of bad people, bad stuff , bad things

but my dearest,though it up

don't be spoiled. it's tacky.

and for sure i don't want you to be troublesome to people around you

treat everyone the way you wanna be treated

kids,

i'm gonna teach you the value of stuff, not the price

you can't always get what you want.

but i promise you, if you try, you'll get what you need

work hard, dream high, and never give up

little ones,

one day you gonna meet someone and fall in love

it's either gonna be forever, or you gonna get your heart broken

but either way, cherish every moment of it

when they love you back, appreciate them

when they break your heart, take it as a lesson and move on

my dearest,

i know i told you i'll protect you anyway i can

as i'm living, i'm gonna give you all of me 

but my dearest, i'm not gonna be there forever

letting you go and be on your own will be hard

when that day come, i want you to be able to protect yourself

and when you have a family of your own, i want you to be able to protect them.

and always remember, i'll always love you

i hope you will make time for your parents, your family,in spite your busy schedule

keep this in your thoughts, my dearest

so i know, i didn't fail you

so i know i raised you right

so i know, i raised a fighter

i'm gonna love you forever until the end of my last breath

with love,

hoping to see you someday

n.b: tiba-tiba kepikiran untuk nulis ini. ditampar gitu aja sama semesta mengenai hal ini.